The Orgasm Gap: Reclaiming Pleasure as a Spiritual Practice

The Orgasm Gap: Reclaiming Pleasure as a Spiritual Practice
Mar 25

You know that moment, when you’re having sex and everything looks fine on the outside... but inside, you’re already gone?

Your smile is polite. Your breath is shallow. Your body is tense.
You might even make a little noise because that’s what you’ve been taught to do.
But your body? She’s quiet.
Not because she can’t speak, but because she’s learned not to.

It feels nice. Your partner is doing all the right things. But you’re detached.

This is how the orgasm gap lives in us.
Not just in statistics, but in habits. In silence. In the slow forgetting of our own wild.

We live in a world where women's pleasure is still treated like dessert.
Nice to have, but not essential. We’re taught to perform sex, not feel it. To be beautiful, desirable, responsive… but not wildly, unapologetically orgasmic.

And while wellness culture approaches the subject with a masculine fixing mindset, selling us solutions like products, apps, and aphrodisiacs, few are asking the deeper question:

What if orgasm isn’t something to achieve,
but something to remember?

The Orgasm Gap Is Real, But Not Inevitable

You may have heard the term before: the orgasm gap refers to the consistent disparity in orgasm frequency between men and women, especially in heterosexual encounters.

In one large-scale study:

• 95% of heterosexual men reported “usually or always” climaxing during sex

• But for heterosexual women, 50% are inorgasmic—meaning they do not experience orgasm at all

• Of the remaining 50%, only half are reliably orgasmic. The rest may or may not climax, depending on the situation

• Lesbian women? 89%. A striking clue that presence, communication, and understanding the female body matter far more than we’ve been taught

“We’ve normalized women not orgasming in partnered sex,” says Dr. Laurie Mintz, sex therapist and author of Becoming Cliterate.
“We don’t question it. But we should, because women’s pleasure is not inherently elusive. It’s simply been neglected.”

Disconnection, Not Dysfunction

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about broken bodies.
This is about a system that never taught women—or men—how women’s pleasure works.

Only in recent decades has the clitoris been properly studied in medical literature. Even now, most sex education fails to teach young people that the clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings, is the center of female sexual pleasure, and exists solely for that purpose.

In one recent survey:

• Over 70% of women admitted to faking orgasms

• Nearly half said they felt “rushed” or pressured to climax quickly

• And only 1 in 4 felt fully attuned to their own erotic needs

These aren’t statistics about performance.
They’re stories about disconnection.

Orgasm as a Spiritual Portal

In Tantra, orgasm is not a finish line. It’s a gateway.
It’s a softening into the body. A sacred undoing of the places we’ve learned to brace, silence, or disappear ourselves.

True orgasm—deep, rippling, holy—requires safety, trust, and time.
It isn’t coaxed with pressure and friction. It blooms in presence.

“Most women’s bodies need 20 to 40 minutes to fully awaken to arousal,” says somatic sexologist and trauma educator Kimberly Ann Johnson.
“But most sex ends before a woman has even settled into her own breath.”

This is why your orgasm may feel elusive when your body is rushing, when your mind is scanning, when your nervous system is on alert.
It’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because your body is wise.

Orgasm isn’t a goal. It’s a response.
To love. To attunement. To the sacredness of being fully met.

And yet… if orgasm is a response, what are we responding to?

Is it friction, pressure, urgency?
Or is it depth, slowness, safety, surrender?

To answer that, we need to go deeper than the statistics.
We need to explore the landscapes of the body that most of us were never taught to map.
Because beyond the orgasm gap, beyond the scripts we’ve inherited, there are hidden temples of pleasure—mystical, measurable, and wildly under-explored.

The G-Spot and Cervical Orgasm: Myth, Mystery, and Measurable Magic

What Science Says About the G-Spot

The G-spot, named (controversially) after German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg, has been both celebrated and dismissed in medical literature. Some researchers argue it's a distinct structure. Others say it’s not a “spot” at all, but rather an internal extension of the clitoral complex.

Key findings:

• A 2012 study using ultrasound imaging confirmed a thicker urethrovaginal space in women who report vaginal orgasms, supporting the G-spot’s anatomical reality for some

• The G-spot isn’t a separate organ—it’s thought to be a network of erectile tissue, including parts of the clitoris, urethra, and vaginal wall

• Not every woman experiences G-spot pleasure the same way—and lack of sensation is not dysfunction. It’s simply variation

“The so-called G-spot is real, but it's not a magic button. It’s part of a broader arousal system,” says Dr. Helen O'Connell, the first surgeon to map the full internal structure of the clitoris in 2005.

This is huge: the internal clitoris is shaped like a wishbone, with legs (crura) and bulbs that wrap around the vaginal canal—so G-spot stimulation may actually be accessing the deep clitoral network.

In Tantric Practice:

The G-spot is considered a gateway of emotional release. Stimulating it can unlock weeping, shaking, laughter—energetic clearing stored in the pelvic bowl. Some even refer to it as the "sacred spring" because of its connection to female ejaculation and raw vulnerability.

Cervical Orgasm: The Holy Grail or Deep Nervous System Trust?

Now this is where the mystical meets the anatomical.

The cervix is the lower part of the uterus, and it’s rich with nerve endings—especially the pelvic, hypogastric, and vagus nerves. It’s one of the few places in the body that bypasses the spinal cord and connects directly to the brainstem via the vagus nerve—the same nerve involved in trauma healing, bonding, and deep parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) states.

What research says:

• The vagus nerve connection is unique to the cervix and uterus, allowing for a kind of non-linear, full-body orgasm that can happen even in women with spinal cord injuries

• Some studies suggest cervical stimulation can trigger oxytocin release, facilitating bonding, love, and even altered states of consciousness

• Cervical orgasms are less common—not because they’re rare, but because the cervix is often guarded, especially if there’s a history of trauma, tension, or emotional armoring

“The cervix is like a spiritual gatekeeper. It asks us to slow down, open, and surrender—not to chase pleasure, but to allow it,” writes somatic sexologist and author Michaela Boehm.

Tantric View:

In Tantra, the cervix is the yoni’s third gate—the innermost temple.

• Clitoral orgasm = fire

• G-spot orgasm = water

• Cervical orgasm = space or ether

Cervical orgasms are often associated with visions, emotional release, and spontaneous kriyas (body tremors or energy movements). They're less about contraction and more about expansion—what many describe as “being made love to by the universe.”

Most women were never taught that these portals even existed—let alone how to access them.
And perhaps even more radically, we were never taught that our erotic power is a source of spiritual, emotional, and personal sovereignty.

That’s why reclaiming orgasm isn’t about performance.
It’s about coming home.

The Feminist Power of Coming Home

When a woman begins to experience her orgasm as a form of self-return, everything shifts.

She stops performing and starts feeling.
She replaces anxiety with curiosity.
She unhooks her worth from someone else’s pleasure and roots it in her own breath, sound, and internal rhythm.

“Female pleasure is political,” says activist and author adrienne maree brown.
“It’s one of the most subversive acts to prioritize your joy in a culture that profits off your self-denial.”

And the ripple effect is measurable.
Women who report regular, connected orgasms also report:

• Greater confidence in public speaking and leadership

• Lower rates of anxiety and depression

• Improved sleep, immune function, and hormonal balance

• Higher levels of self-trust and intuitive clarity

This is not luxury.
This is embodied power.

How to Begin the Return

If you’ve been faking, freezing, or just feeling numb—start with compassion.
Your body is not behind. Your pleasure is not a problem to solve.

Start here:

• Create a safe, unhurried space for daily pleasure—no goal, no performance

• Breathe deeply, making sound on your exhale to signal safety to your body

• Rock your hips

• Let your hands explore without expectation

• Ask: “What wants to be felt right now?”

Notice where you grip. Where you go silent. Where you stop breathing. These are not failures—they are maps.

And if you’re ready to explore orgasm not just as release, but as spiritual technology, welcome to the path of sacred sensuality.

Because your orgasm is not just about sex.
It’s about sovereignty.
And coming home to your full, radiant, unapologetic self.

Want support in unlocking your full erotic expression?
I offer private sessions, body-based healing, and immersive retreats designed for women who are ready to reclaim their pleasure as power.
https://calendar.app.google/MFwYBtMPE1wJtpkN9